


Every Day's a Good Day

by eelora



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, M/M, Minor Yamaguchi Tadashi/Kozume Kenma, Mother Yams will protec, Protective Yamaguchi Tadashi, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eelora/pseuds/eelora
Summary: Tsukishima thinks Kuroo is the most irritating person on the planet. Probably.He falls in love somewhere along the line.Meanwhile, Kuroo is a dork.He's also very stupid in the romance department.Alternatively: angst, but not really.I think.That's it. That's basically the story.





	Every Day's a Good Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably OOC, and there's also probably a ton of incorrect/changing tenses... but this took forever + a month to write, so, meh,  
> Not beta'd... the first parts (like a quarter maybe?) has been proofread.
> 
> Also, I edited this whole story to match the AO3 format from when I had it in word. But because there was an emoji in it when I tried to save, half of it got deleted and I had to re-do it all. If you notice a whole chunk/half a sentence missing somewhere, please let me know! RIP
> 
> Please note this has an explicit depiction of a panic attack. Proceed with caution if you're sensitive. Thank you =)

His morning had started off well. He’d gotten out of bed and had even had time to fix himself a breakfast of a fruit salad that consisted mainly of strawberries before leaving for his general history lecture.

The lecturer themselves had seemed to be in a good mood, making the class seem much more interesting the more enthusiastic they became. Time flew at that point, and when the 90 minutes were up, Tsukishima had left with a smile on his face and comprehensive notes that he knew he wouldn’t need to decode later on. To make things even better, his next scheduled block was a practical. He’d spent his time discussing the piecing together a fossil that had been dug up and donated to their university for inspection.

By now it was almost time to meet up with Yamaguchi and Kenma at the campus café for a fortnightly catch-up. Considering that they all had different majors, their schedules were completely different which lead to minimal time spent together. Not that Tsukishima truly minded – he preferred not having to deal with Yamaguchi’s need to be such a mother.

Since he finished half-an-hour before Kenma, and that Yamaguchi would always arrive with him, Tsukishima found himself at the café much earlier than required. He paid this no mind, however, as he was feeling happy. It was a rare occurrence and with this, he felt the need to write it down.

He’d started the notebook almost a year and a half ago – when he’d begun university. He had found that even writing a goal, or a short sentence each day helped him have a little more control. The notebook was leather bound in black and A6 in size. He was running out of pages to write in, but he turned to the most recent, half-filled one and penned in the date.

_October 3 rd, 20XX. Today is a good day._

The palaeontology student had just put his notebook back into his bag when the bell to the café chimed. Looking over, he’d expected to see his best friends but instead gazed into the eye of someone whose personality was questionable in comparison to his looks.

“Kuroo-san,” his name almost tasted bitter on his tongue, “what are you doing here?”

The older male gave his a lazy grin as he stalked over and pulled out the chair next to his. “You wound me. Not even a hello for your friend?”

Tsukishima huffed, “We’re not friends. It’s merely out of obligation that I’m civil with you since Tadashi and Kenma are dating.” It was true; although the couple had known each other for well over five years, Tsukishima had only met the raven-head in university when the other two finally admitted their feelings and got together.

“Well shit, aren’t you such a kind soul?” the bed-haired male snorted. Tsukishima opened his mouth to reply, but found himself biting his tongue when the bell chimed once again to signal their friends’ arrival.

“Kuroo, Tsukki! Did we keep you waiting~?” The freckled male was the first to greet them and his boyfriend gave a nod of his head before the two sat down opposite of them.

The blond student sighed and glanced over at Yamaguchi, “Why is he here?”

His friend laughed a little before replying, “Isn’t it obvious? We invited him. Now let’s order, I’m starved.” He spoke in a way that left little room for argument. Tsukishima groaned internally and wondered when Yamaguchi had grown such a backbone.

**.~.**

He felt like he was suffocating; having Kuroo basically breathing down his neck and Yamaguchi giving him berating looks as he continued to give the former the cold shoulder. There was simply something about the way Kuroo seemed to leer and look down upon him that made him feel extra small and useless. He clenched his fist and tried not to show them how much he was affected by this, and instead, pasted a tight smile upon his lips.

Yamaguchi was constantly pushing him and the bed-haired boy together in hopes that they’d be friendly – and Kenma was probably dragged along for the ride. So today was just another poorly concealed guise for Kuroo and Tsukishima to get to know each other better, with the friends-turned-lovers tagging along to ensure everything went smoothly.

Which is exactly why he kept telling himself not to fuck things up as he sat opposite of his best friends with Kuroo’s weight pressing into him uncomfortably. But in all honesty, he longed to return back to his dorm and curl up under his doona until he finally felt like his heart could settle. This feeling had sprung upon him quite quickly, and the dull, grey sensation seemed to shroud him – the beginnings of a breakdown pricking behind his eyes.

“Yo Glasses-kun.” The voice next to his ear caused him to jolt suddenly. “Whoa, you’re easy to frighten, aren’t you?”

“Don’t call me that.” Tsukishima hissed. A hand clamped down upon his shoulder and he jerked away. “And don’t touch me either.”

Kuroo seemed surprised, but recovered quickly and moved closer with a leering grin. “Who knew you were so touchy?”

Something within Tsukishima snapped. The chair scraped unpleasantly against the tiled floor as he desperately kept his composure. “Well, it looks like I’m only going to get in the way. So if you’ll excuse me.”

“H-Hey!” The dark-haired male called out. Tsukishima ignored him and instead focused on putting one foot in front of the other. In the background, Yamaguchi’s voice seemed to be chiding Kuroo.

Everything became a blur after that, but as soon as he returned to his dorm he sunk to the floor and released a weak sob.

_October 3 rd, 20XX. ~~Today is a good day.~~ It was a shit day._

 

* * *

 

A week passed and Tsukishima found himself slowly going through the motions of living as the days passed on. Ever since the episode he’d had a hard time picking himself back up, and it was a daily struggle to get out of bed. With little motivation and a few missed lectures, he found himself panicking to finish his history essay that was due to be handed in at four in the afternoon.

Three empty mugs with drying tea residue sat idly on his desk as he shuffled through his stack of notes, highlighting and circling certain points that he wanted to include on the essay. An open document sat on his laptop screen, only a page filled with jumbled paragraphs and angry red underlines. Even when typing he found that he had to decode his sentences later on.

Sighing, he pulled his doona tighter around his shoulders and read over what he had already written. His eyes blinked blearily at the sudden artificial brightness, since he kept his room rather dark with the curtains drawn. Looking at his essay he struggled to even comprehend what his introduction was trying to convey. His head slumped forward to rest listlessly upon the desk; he wanted to take another nap and bury in the warmth and comfort of his bed – his haven.

Taking a chance, his eyes flickered to the time, only to regret that he’d even looked. Two hours until the cut-off for submission.

Tears began to well up in his eyes once again, and he cursed himself for being so weak. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it certainly felt like it. If he had to deal with one more stressor he was sure he was going to snap…

His saviour came through as a knock at the door. _“Tsukki?”_

Tsukishima’s head slowly lifted off his desk as he turned his gaze toward the sound. In a sluggish manner, he pulled himself from the chair – wincing as his bones cracked back into alignment. The doona slipped off his shoulders, but he didn’t give it much thought as his focus was trained on the door and the person behind it.

There was a reason why Yamaguchi became his best friend. Despite the blond having been the one to initially save the other, his middle school and high school days had taken a toll upon him mentally. Yamaguchi knew about his depression; about his bad days, and how much it pained him to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. Yamaguchi was the person he could depend on.

So of course, it was only natural for him to press up against the shorter male for comfort the moment the door was open. He felt lean arms wrap around him to pull him closer as Yamaguchi rubbed his back soothingly and gently guided him back inside.

The next half-hour was spent with Yamaguchi patiently holding his friend close while he clung on to him, unsteady breaths evening out overtime. He didn’t ask questions, but the silence was comfortable. When Tsukishima began to pull away, the brunet let him go and watched on as the blond boy stood up and quickly rushed over to his desk to begin furiously typing.

Yamaguchi smiled genuinely at that; Tsukishima had a one-track mind wherein he would immediately throw himself back into work and catch up on everything he’d missed in record time from the moment he felt a bit better again. Deeming that his presence would be left unnoticed for the time being, he quietly let himself back out of the dorm room, and pulled out his phone.

 

> **To:** Kenma  
>  _He’ll be A-Okay! I’m coming back now ~_

**.~.**

At three thirty sharp, Tsukishima found himself pulling on some more suitable clothes to go out in. He didn’t have time to take a quick shower, so he’d simply have to deal with greasy hair and an unwashed face. He shoved his laptop into his bag and quickly left for the library.

The building was unfortunately on the other side of the campus from where the arts faculty was, so the trip to get there and then to the lecture hall would be about 20 minutes. Hopefully the extra 10 he’d left himself with would be enough time to get his essay printed; there could be a long line of others waiting to print, or worse yet, a paper jam.

And lecturers generally didn’t care for variables such as this. So it was either hand it in at four on the dot, or get marks docked from the overall score.

Tsukishima made it to the library in record time, and was grateful to see that there were only a few people huddled around the printing station. Pulling out his laptop, he quickly connected to the library Wi-Fi and sent off his document – double checking that he’d added his name and the date in the foot notes. He wasn’t there for very long, leaving as soon as the essay was printed and neatly stapled in the corner.

In amidst his rush, he didn’t notice the small, leather-bound notebook that lay face-down next to the printer, blending into the charcoal carpet of the library.

 

* * *

 

Kuroo couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt. Ever since the day that the blond had rushed out of the café, a heavy weight had been pressing down against his chest. He saw Yamaguchi and Kenma send eachother knowing looks, holding a silent conversation in which he knew he wouldn’t be filled in upon later. Although curious to find out, he couldn’t bring himself to ask either.

His constant pondering had proven to be a distraction, and he found himself having to turn down a night out at the bar to finish off a pending assignment at the campus library. He’d arrived there shortly after dinner – around seven – and was not surprised that the premises was practically empty. The librarian only worked nine to five hours to re-shelf returned books, but otherwise, the students were deemed responsible enough to be left unsupervised. Kuroo figured that past students had complained about the opening hours, and so the University had decided to leave the library open 24/7 and had even installed self-serve book checkouts.

He sat himself down at one of the empty tables, opening his laptop and taking out his assignment sheet. The assignment was more practical work than theory; asking the students to create a year’s worth of financial reports based on the information given by a new small business. The only theory component to it was to summarise and conclude all of the information and provide the business owner with advice and possible considerations. It was easy, methodical work and he found himself immersed into it rather quickly.

When he had finally finished, he leaned back in his chair and cracked his neck. Being hunched over for such a long period of time was a sure way to wake up with a sore neck and shoulders the next day. Reading over the data once more, he double-checked that all the information and numbers were correct before saving all of his files onto a USB, whilst also sending it over to the printer.

He’d learnt overtime that the lecturer liked to receive both a hard and digital copy of assignments and papers – although he was unsure of the reasoning behind this preference. Although it wasn’t due to be handed in by Monday, it was more convenient for him to have the assignment done and printed whilst he was already in the library.

Packing out his small workspace, he hitched his bag over his shoulder and walked over to the printer. While typing in his student ID, his eye caught sight of a small object lying on the ground. The machine buzzed to life, beginning to spew out inked paper as he bent down to pick up the small notebook.

The page it had fallen open on was blank, but a quick riffle through told him that it had been well-used – most of the pages being filled with blue ink and neat words. He skimmed over the first sentence of the page he’d flipped to with mild interest.

_March 21 st, 20XX. I managed to get out of bed today. I rewarded myself with strawberry shortcake._

The dates continued on, never missing a single day. The printer beeped to signal that his print was done, and he forced himself to look away from the journal and take his work.

He knew it was wrong – that he should hand in the notebook to lost property. But he was curious… so he shut the book and placed it carefully in his bag alongside his paper. _‘Besides, it wouldn’t be good if someone else found this either – who knows if the librarian is a snoop herself.’_ His thoughts continued on as he convinced himself that it was okay to take the book.

The trip back to his dorm had him questioning who the owner of the diary was. The handwriting had him thinking that they were male – although that wasn’t much to go off considering the amount of students that were enrolled at the university. The only other thing that stuck out was that they probably had an unhealthy obsession with sweets – strawberry shortcake specifically.

**.~.**

The business student had woken up early the next morning, feeling quite alert despite only having slept five hours. But he wanted to read more about the owner of the notebook. There wasn’t much detail placed in it with only a sentence or two written daily, but there was writing crammed onto each and every line – filling each page fully.

When he’d returned to his dorm the night before, he hadn’t done much else except get ready for bed and begin to read the diary. The entries had begun in the middle of February, 2016 and had continued on from there. The first few pages seemed to have a note of hesitance to it, as though the owner was unsure that this would work. As Kuroo read further, he found it to almost be an emotional journey the way that the author was able to write about his day in practically a single sentence. On the rare occasion, there was a paragraph – but never more than a page long.

By the time his eyelids were too heavy to keep open, he had only gotten to the end of November.

Kuroo decided that, although he was eager to read more of the journal, it would be disrespectful to look through while eating. Especially if he happened to get it messy. So rather than taking his time to enjoy his breakfast, he scarfed it down quickly before reaching over to flip the leather-bound cover open.

But then his conscience kicked in, and he frowned. His hand hovered as one part of him told himself that he should return the notebook to the owner, but the other was cheering him on – saying that he’d already invaded the owner’s privacy, so continuing on wouldn’t really make a difference.

This continued on for a couple of minutes before the devil won and he settled back down and set his eyes over the slightly worn pages. It started off fairly positive – full of smiley faces, achieved goals and little doodles here and there. In October the entries were more neutral in tone, single sentences such as _[Picked up my prescription]_ and _[Called home, mum was happy]_.

Then, April arrived. The entries became darker. They were bitter with self-loathing and Kuroo’s eyes watered at the idea that the owner would beat themselves down so harshly; he was almost scared to turn the page. The next page was more crinkled than others, the ink had run slightly where he could see dried tear stains. The writing was unsteady, scribbled in harshly and indenting the page from the heavy-hand behind it. There was only one entry on it.

_April 19 th, 20XX._  
_People who will miss me when I’m gone:_  
_Tadashi_  
_Mum_  
_Aki_

His breath hitched at the first name on the list. It was so strikingly familiar, and at recognition his heart beat seemed to pick up a few paces. At this point whatever guilt he’d felt from that day in the café, and simply from picking up the notebook, had tripled. The answer was obvious – and suddenly he felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world.

He turned the pages quickly, searching for a specific date. Everything was suddenly clicking into place.

_October 3 rd, 20XX. ~~Today is a good day.~~ It was a shit day._

Well, fuck.

 

* * *

 

Tsukishima was panicking – he’d upturned practically everything in his dorm room and there was still no sign of his precious, leather-bound notebook. The thought of having someone look through it and see his inner-most reflections struck fear within him, because the world was a small one and everything would inevitably come back to haunt him in some way or another. The things inside could easily be used against him, or even be shared to the public.

He was hyperventilating at this point, hands numb as tears blurred his vision. Not even a day had passed since his last bout of grey, and yet another episode was occurring. He hated it – the drowning feeling and the helplessness that came along with it. Laying on the floor, he felt paralysed as his body shook violently and his heart palpitated at a rapid rate. Despite the fogginess in his mind, his instincts seemed to desperately call out for some form of comfort and his arm immediately reached out for his phone and speed dial.

The boy was beginning to calm down, but he could feel another attack coming along with a fresh wave of tears as he waited for his friend to pick up.

“Tadashi.” He croaked, “Tadashi hurry, I…” he cut off with a hiccup.

The brunet responded immediately, _“Tsukki, you need to_ breathe _. I’m coming over right now, but you need to breathe.”_

The phone call fell silent, sans the laboured breaths coming from Tsukishima’s side of the call. He squeezed his eyes shut, counting his inhales and exhales like he’d been taught in therapy. He continued on, trying his best to calm down – but his efforts were fruitless as the air lodged in his throat and weakness took control once more.

Faintly, almost as if it were far off in the distance, he heard a door click open and the sound of footsteps rushing. “Tsukki!” a voice called out to him, and a small light seemed to filter in through his blurred vision. Fingers raked through his hair slowly and the voice remained calm, “Tsukishima, when was the last time you took your meds?”

The question struck him and his mind desperately searched for an answer. Nothing came to mind so he simply shook his head once, gasping in pain from the tension in his body. It’d been a long time since he’d had an anxiety attack so severe. The warmth left him and Tsukishima could vaguely sense his friend running around his room trying to find his pill bottle.

He continued to lay and the floor, limbs stretched out as Yamaguchi’s mumbling began to pull him back to reality. The gears in his mind finally began to start working again as he whispered out for water. Yamaguchi was immediately there, kneeling next to him and tilting the contents of a water bottle slowly into his mouth. The worry in his expression was clear and Tsukishima’s heart clenched in shame as he realised he’d failed to care for himself once again.

“I’m sorry.” He breathed, empty of tears that he would otherwise be crying.

The shorter of the two shook his head. “Don’t be.”

There was a beat of silence when a baritone voice spoke from the other side of the door. “Tsukishima?” Eyes widening, the said boy struggled to push himself upright when his friend hushed him and forced him to lie back down.

“I’ve got it, you should rest.” Yamaguchi spoke as he stood up and opened to door a crack. A pair of familiar eyes met his and he opened to door a little wider, but not enough to let the sudden visitor see inside. “Kuroo, what are you doing here?”

“Oh uh,” the taller male attempted to peek inside, but the brunet fully stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him to block his view. Kuroo got the message and rubbed the back of his head, “I was wondering if Tsukishima was in, but perhaps it’s a bad time?”

The younger of the two averted his eyes. “Yeah… I don’t mean to be rude, but maybe come back another time? Like tomorrow? If it’s urgent I can pass on a message.” His voice was low, almost as if he were trying to be intimidating. Despite him wanting his best friend and Kuroo to be on friendly terms, Tsukishima’s well-being would always be priority – he’d helped him so much from bullies when he was younger that it was only fair to return to favour and keep the blond from harm’s way too.

Kuroo shook his head, “No it’s nothing important. I’ll come back another time.” He turned and left, aware of the contemplative gaze that Yamaguchi held upon his retreating figure. It was the first time he’d seen the freckled boy so protective of something, and it only made him feel even more remorseful for rifling through the blond’s privacy.

 

* * *

 

He wouldn’t lie – the tall blond had caught his interest the moment they’d met. He was witty and blunt, and overall had a nice aesthetic to him. He was very much Kuroo’s type.

He could see him sitting across the courtyard, headphones in and laptop splayed upon his lap. Kuroo wondered what kind of music the boy liked listening too, before ditching the thought and steeling himself for actually approaching the younger student.

The notebook weighed heavily in his backpack, and the pang of guilt told him to hold off upon returning the item – that it would be best to apologize for his behaviour first.

He sat down next to the blond, offering a small wave when the taller male turned and graced him with a questioning glare. “Hey, Tsukishima.”

His fingers stopped typing and the boy sighed, taking his time to remove his headphones and fully turn to face the business student. He sounded exhausted, “What do you want, Kuroo-san?”

“I just wanted to say sorry.” He explained, “For what happened the other day.” Kuroo fell into silence, waiting for a response.

“Okay.” The younger student gave a small nod, and then looked on expectantly. “Well, is that all?”

 _Ah,_ Kuroo realised _, the other boy was waiting for him to leave_. His mind scrambled for something to say, “A-Actually, no. Uh, I was thinking about taking you out.” He saw the way Tsukishima’s eyebrows began to raise and quickly corrected himself. “I mean, shout you a drink or something at the café. To apologize for being such an asshole.”

“You want to buy me a drink,” the blond repeated slowly, “for being an asshole?”

“Uh, yes. Basically.” Kuroo scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. But then he saw Tsukishima’s lip quirk. It was almost unnoticeable, but it lit up all of the younger male’s features in a way Kuroo had never seen before. His heart skipped a beat. “So is that a yes?”

The smile faded and his gaze diverted to the right in thought. Then, he shook his head slightly and turned back to his work. “No, I’m busy.”

Kuroo would admit that Tsukishima’s rejection hurt – just a little. But it didn’t deter him as he settled down properly next to the boy and peered over his shoulder. “What’re you doing?”

Tsukishima shuffled over in attempt to put more room between them. He glared in irritation and sniffed, “It’s none of your business.”

“Man, you’re so touchy sometimes.” The raven pouted, then moved forward again. “Even so, I still wanna make it up to you. If you’re not free now, how about later?”

A pale hand reached up to rub at his temple as Tsukishima sighed. “Can’t you just take the hint and leave?”

Shrugging, Kuroo blissfully ignored the other’s frustration and grinned, “Not ‘till ya say yes. Come on, what’s the harm in one drink?”

There was a huff of finality from beside him, and the blond closed the lid of his laptop and began to pack his things away. Standing, he brushed himself off and ignored the calls of the older male as he began to walk away. There was a reason he disliked social interaction, and Kuroo only went to prove it. He wondered why someone so handsome could turn out to be one of the most annoying people in the world. It was simply unfair.

Meanwhile, Kuroo wondered why he was such an asshole. Every time he and Tsukishima conversed, it would end up with the blond sighing in exasperation and walking away. So much for being cool and suave. He only ended up feeling guilty each time the boy stormed off.

Running his hands through his hair, he contemplated how his could properly apologise to Tsukishima without the other getting mad at him. The only thing he could think of was asking for help. So despite knowing how much Kenma would berate him for being so insufferable, he pulled out his phone to send off a text.

 

* * *

 

Tsukishima was in a lecture when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He frowned at that, knowing that Yamaguchi would usually also be attending one his own lectures. The only other people who would bother to text his phone was Akiteru or Kenma. But Akiteru was overseas for work and Kenma only messaged if Yamaguchi’s phone wasn’t charged. Of course, that would leave his mother, but she preferred to call him rather than text.

This led him to believe that the text was somewhat important, and reached down to fish the device out of his pocket. He was even more confused when the notification consisted of an unknown number, but he opened it anyway – almost regretting it immediately.

 

> **From:** Unknown  
>  _yo its kuroo! i asked kenma 4 ur # if thats ok_
> 
> **To:** Unknown  
>  _Please delete my number._
> 
> **From:** Unknown  
>  _aw dont be mean. i just wanna say sry 4 yesterday_
> 
> … _again_
> 
> **To:** Unknown  
>  _I’m in a lecture._
> 
> **From:** Unknown  
>  _can i treat u 2 a drink @ the cafe after?_
> 
> **To:** Unknown _  
> No. Your texting is atrocious._
> 
> **From:** Unknown  
>  _plz. i'll stp annoyin u_
> 
> **To:** Kuroo-san  
>  _Fine. I finish in 15 minutes._
> 
> **From:** Kuroo-san  
>  _yeyy! thx!_

 

**.~.**

The café wasn’t too crowded. It was well after the lunch rush and most people were there for a quick snack or afternoon coffee fix. A few tables were filled, but the people who occupied them had books and their laptops spread out before them to study. Kuroo cleared his throat awkwardly as they both walked up to the counter to place their order. He looked over at Tsukishima and gestured for him to go first.

“A regular strawberry milkshake, please.”

“And a regular cappuccino for myself, thanks.” The older of the two added, “To have here.”

Once he paid, the pair picked a more secluded booth in the corner, away from the window. Kuroo couldn’t help but think that it was more intimate this way. They sat across from each other, averting their eyes from making contact as they waited for their drinks.

It was the raven who broke the silence first. “So, you’re studying…?”

“Palaeontology.”

“Oh. And how are you finding it so far?”

“Good.”

Kuroo studied the blond carefully, noting how rigid he seemed. He exhaled softly. “Look, I’m really sorry if I did anything to offend you the other day… I guess it’s a habit of mine to provoke people and I can come off as a little... cocky.”

The boy simply shrugged his shoulders, “You can’t help the way you are, I guess.” Kuroo recognised the snark beneath his words, but brushed it off with a grin. Tsukishima noticed the bed-head’s nonchalance and seemed to relax a little after that, though not by much.

Their drinks arrived and they both took it as an opportunity to fall back into silence. Except, Kuroo wasn’t too good at dealing with the awkward tension. Placing his cup back down onto the plate, he leaned back in his chair. “So why palaeontology?”

A small frown etched its way onto the other’s face and he curled back defensively, “Why should I tell you?”

Kuroo shrugged, letting a soft grin slip onto his lips. “Small talk I guess. I ask you questions, and you can ask me some.”

Tsukishima fiddled with the straw on his drink, pausing for a moment and considering Kuroo’s suggestion. Then, he huffed. “I liked dinosaurs as a child. And history was interesting in high school. Why did you decide to study business?”

“Eh, I actually started off in chemical engineering, you know?” Kuroo gave a soft chuckle. “A couple weeks in I decided it wasn’t for me – it was gonna be expensive for all the equipment and resources needed to complete the course. So I changed to business instead. It isn’t too bad.”

“But if you liked chemistry, surely the money wouldn’t matter? You can pay it back after you graduate anyway.” Tsukishima spoke, confusion slipping into his voice.

The honest side of Kuroo emerged, and he found himself spilling his personal life to the boy who didn’t even seem to hold in in high-regard. “Even so, you have to pay a portion of the fee within the first two months of the semester in order to continue the course. My mum needed the money more for her leukaemia treatments at the hospital so I didn’t mind giving up what I wanted to do for her health. She was the only source of income when I was in high school, since I didn’t have time for a part-time job considering I had volleyball and college prep classes. So money was kinda scarce.”

“I had no idea…” The blond’s voice trailed off, showing his surprise.

“But I wouldn’t be anywhere without her, you know?” Kuroo continued, “I owed her that much. Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do if she passed away because I was selfish. She’s always been there for me, so it’s only fair that I do the same for her. We only have each other to rely on.”

The boy opposite of him hummed, staring absently back at him. Kuroo leaned forward a little, “Something wrong?”

Tsukishima jumped and leaned back, seemingly uncomfortable how close the raven-head had become. He shook his head. “I’m fine.” He quickly responded, then made a big show of checking the time. “I have to go. Um, thank you for the drink.”

Kuroo blinked in surprise, he thought things had been tracking along well. “O-Oh. Okay.”

The other boy stood up and prepared to leave, pausing a second later and turning back around. He bowed slightly, almost as though he were a little ashamed. “Actually Kuroo-san… I guess I should also apologise for being rude the other day.” He bowed again, “Sorry.”

By the time Kuroo recovered from the sudden exit, the blond had already exited the café – only the jingle of the bell at the door a reminder of Tsukishima’s presence.

**.~.**

He wasn’t sure what had happened, but in a short span of time, Kuroo had gone from a cocky bastard to a downright dork. An _attractive_ dork. There was something about the way his features had softened during their conversation, and how sincere and honest he’d been.

Somehow, he’d admired the way Kuroo had been able to open up like that, while he struggled to break down the walls of his own.

Tsukishima clutched his bag strap tighter and shook his head to clear the thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things. He knew the more time he spent with the raven-head, the more attached he was likely to become. There was nothing worthy about him anyway, so there was no way Kuroo would even begin to like him back. Thus, it was best to keep his distance before he fell in too deep.

Breathing deeply, he felt his heart flutter in betrayal. _Dammit._ There was no holding back now – especially when he had no willpower. The walls had already begun to crumble. He was already in too deep.

And it was later that night when he found the courage to message Kuroo again.

 

> **To:** Kuroo-san  
>  _Thank you for today. We could hang out again sometime._

 

* * *

 

The pair began to text more often, and hung out almost every other day. Tsukishima had bottled up his developing feelings and instead focused on how fulfilling Kuroo’s presence was. Once they got to know each other better, Tsukishima barely had the time to dwell in isolation, as Kuroo swept him up in a swirling storm of something new and refreshing every day.

Yamaguchi eyed him curiously as they sat in Tsukishima’s dorm room on a Wednesday night, the latter on his own bed while the freckled boy sat on the blond’s desk chair. His lips quirked up into a knowing smile and Tsukishima almost shied away from it. Of course his best friend would figure it out quickly. Yamaguchi almost jumped from his chair in excitement. “I can’t believe it! You like him!”

“He’s… he’s not that bad, after a while.” Tsukishima mumbled into the pillow he hugged close to his chest. He refused to let Yamaguchi see his flushed expression.

“Right…” The shorter male let the word drag out. “Are you going to confess?”

He shook his head quickly – that was crossing the line. “I don’t think I have a chance.”

“Well you never know until you try.” The motherly-side of Yamaguchi revealed itself. “Besides, it’s been a long time since anyone else has been able to chip away at your walls.”

Tsukishima opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by his ringtone.

 

> **From:** Kuroo  
>  _u free 2 meet @ the cafe?_

He looked back up at Yamaguchi, who shrugged and smiled. “Just go.”

**.~.**

“Hey,” Kuroo greeted as Tsukishima slipped into the booth, “you look tired.” He pushed the strawberry milkshake he’d ordered across the table.

The blond nodded a rubbed at his eyes and spoke absentmindedly, “Mhmm, I just started a new prescription and mild insomnia is one of the side-effects.” He paused, noticing his mistake immediately. “I – I mean…”

Kuroo waved him off gently with a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. Kenma was the same in high-school – for anxiety.” He caught the boy’s gaze and placed a hand atop of his soothingly, “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” Tsukishima looked down at their connected hands and blushed faintly – something that Kuroo immediately picked up upon. He decided to keep it there.

Tsukishima exhaled slowly, allowing himself to trust the man sitting across from him. “Depression and anxiety. Middle and high-school… weren’t the best of times for me either.” He spoke tentatively, looking up through his lashes to see Kuroo hanging onto his every word. The palaeontology student figured, that if Kuroo was able to talk about his mum, then he should at least let Kuroo know about himself.

“My parents have always had a rough relationship, so when mum and dad were going through with the divorce, my older brother was already finishing his honours at college, and then began travelling a lot for work. There were so many arguments that I would find myself in the middle of… and there was a lot of blaming involved.” He took a breath, “I found out a lot of things after that. And I guess I questioned myself a lot because of it. It was around then when I would constantly withdraw myself and freak out a lot.”

The raven-haired male nodded, “That can be really stressful…”

“Dad’s halfway across the world with his new girlfriend now, but sometimes he still calls home to play the victim card.” Tsukishima continued, the floodgates had already opened, “It makes me mad and upset at the same time. Not only that, he always finds something to be disappointed about with me. And there were times where I thought everyone would be better off without me there. I just…” he probably wasn’t making much sense, but he couldn’t find the words to convey himself anymore. But talking about it had lifted a great deal of weight from his chest.

Kuroo didn’t have words of comfort for him either. Instead, he gripped Tsukishima’s hand tighter, hoping that the other male would understand.

 

* * *

 

The sounds of a video game filled the room as Kenma focused intently on beating the level’s boss. Kuroo fidgeted beside him, waiting impatiently for Kenma to acknowledge him.

It felt like hours before the pudding-head finally placed his console down and turned to face him. His voice was quiet, blunt and straight to the point. “Ask him out.”

“What?! I can’t!” he spluttered.

Kenma rolled his eyes, “Don’t be hypocritical. And don’t give me that look, it’s written all over your face, Kuro.”

“H-Hey! That was different! Everyone and their neighbour could tell you two were pining for each other.” Kuroo tried to defend himself, but all he received him response was a cocked eyebrow. “Tsukishima is different… he’s fragile. I don’t want to ruin what we already have.”

The younger boy huffed, “There’s nothing to ruin if you already like each other.”

“Like each other?” Kuroo sounded incredulous, “There’s no way! I used to be such an asshole to him you know? I just… tried to be all cool around him and it never worked, so I turned to teasing him, and then he got even more annoyed. I made him upset!” The bed-headed boy paused, looking over at his childhood friend in horror, “What if… what if he actually still hates me after all this time?”

“Tsukishima isn’t like that.”

“You’re right, you’re right. But I really don’t want to scare him away…” he continued on his path of whining, and Kenma was beginning to become exasperated.

“Kuro. You’ll be good for each other – don’t doubt yourself, and just ask him out already.”

The aforementioned boy jerked upright, looking at his best friend with shining eyes. “Really?! You mean that?” He grinned with a childlike giddiness and began scrolling through his phone – mumbling about the perfect time to confess. Kenma took this opportunity to go back to his game.

 

> **To:** Tadashi  
>  _You were right. He’s whipped._

 

* * *

 

The two were quietly studying in a private room at the library. Kuroo had graciously booked a slot for them despite not even studying the same course. But it was helpful nonetheless, as it allowed for the two to get away from the groups who were chatting out on the open tables.

It was nearing the end of their booked time, and the two had plans to go out for dinner afterward. Kuroo was working hard, almost in the zone of going through his notes and textbook to complete his assignment. However, Tsukishima had just finished his load of work, and was waiting for the raven head.

“Oh, my phone is out of charge.” Tsukishima grumbled.

Kuroo looked up from his textbook. “Hmm? I have a portable charger in my bag if you want.” He gestured to the said object, “It’s somewhere in there. Just use it.”

“Really? Thanks.” He moved toward the bag and unzipped it, rifling around and pulling out the cable when he found it. He was about to zip up the pocket again when his eyes caught sight of something. Something very familiar. His heart stopped as he retrieved it and looked over at Kuroo. “Hey, Kuroo… why do you have this?”

The raven-head froze at the vulnerable tone of Tsukishima’s voice – he knew exactly what the blond was inquiring about. Internally, he cursed himself for being so careless, but nothing prepared him for the expression of betrayal upon Tsukishima’s face as he looked up. “I can explain…” he offered.

“How long?” the blond accused, his eyes narrowed as he held up the leather-bound notebook, “How long have you had this for?”

Kuroo sighed in resignation. “A couple of days before we went to the café together, when I offered to buy you a drink.”

“Why did you keep it? Why didn’t you give it back?” The hurt in his voice was almost too much to bear. The older male reached out to the other, but Tsukishima quickly pulled away. The palaeontology student sniffed – honey orbs shining with unshed tears. “Are you making fun of me? I - I can tell, just by the look on your face… you’ve looked inside. You’ve _read_ it. Did you do this because you pity me? Because if you are I don’t need it.”

The expression on Kuroo’s face said enough.

_He’s been lying to you this whole time._

_You’re a joke._

_How naïve, you played into his hands and now you’re a mess._

“Wait… Tsukishima.” He noticed that the blond’s breath had become laboured, and Kuroo could see the panic setting in those eyes. He hesitated and attempted to reach out again. “You need to calm down.”

He wretched his arm away from Kuroo’s grasp, “ _Don’t touch me_.” His head was swimming – a mass of thoughts that were slowly sending him spiralling down into withdrawal. He needed air. He needed to get away.

The cracked plaster of the walls crumbled, and new, iron cells built themselves around him.

_Never again._

 

* * *

 

A familiar scene was playing out before him, as Yamaguchi stood in front of Tsukishima’s dorm door, arms crossed intimidatingly. “You obviously know that now is not a good time, Kuroo.”

“I… is he okay?”

The freckled boy merely sighed, “You know very well if he’s okay or not.”

“Are you mad?”

Yamaguchi shook his head. “No, but I’m disappointed.”

Kuroo winced – he never thought he would be hit with such a classic line. Somehow, it made him feel worse than if Yamaguchi was just mad. It simply reminded him of how much he’d actually fucked up. “Is there anything I can do?”

The other boy sighed, knowing that Kuroo meant well and was just bad at Feelings™. “I’m not going to forbid you from seeing him. But I think it’s best that you give him space for now.”

“Okay.” He hung his head, and turned to leave. But Yamaguchi called him back at the last second.

“Hey Kuroo. For the time being, buy Kenma some apple pie. Your mess has led to us cancelling date night.” The boy gave a small, reassuring grin – a contrast to his previous glare. “You owe your best friend that much after the trouble you’ve caused.”

Kuroo nodded, “In return… can you tell Tsukishima that I’m sorry, and that I’d never meant to hurt him? I… I just want what’s best for him.”

As the younger male waved the business student goodbye, he turned to head back inside the room.

Tsukishima was curled up in his doona, his head resting on the pillow as he started off into the distance. Yamaguchi made his way over and sat down next to the lump. “Tsukki, I know you heard what he said.” He spoke softly.

“That doesn’t explain why he kept it for nearly a month.”

“I think… I think Kuroo wouldn’t want you to dwell on the past.” Yamaguchi offered. “Perhaps he wanted to be the one to make you happy, and forget the pain that was written in the notebook.”

Tsukishima finally lifted his head to give his friend a confused look. “How would you know?”

Yamaguchi smiled, “Kenma told me!”

The blond had always had horrible resolve. He was sensitive, and easily affected by the words and actions of others. It made him a little rash and hasty – but it also led to many of his mistakes.

But perhaps Kuroo wasn’t one of them. Because Yamaguchi didn’t lie to him, and he trusted the freckled boy more than he would ever know. And it was true, he didn’t like the way he was now; how it sometime held him back.

Kuroo changed all of that. He wasn’t a mistake. He was probably his blessing. There wasn’t a moment that had passed with him after the first apology, where Tsukishima had buried himself into his thoughts and let himself get carried away. Kuroo was always there, anchoring him to reality and giving him a sense of strength. Never once had he let him experience pain.

“Tadashi…” he whispered, long after the boy had actually left in search for something to eat, “I hate it when you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

Tsukishima was sitting peacefully under a tree in the courtyard. At least, that what it seemed like to Kuroo.

He’d thought about this for a long time; how to apologise – again – and confess his feelings for the blond boy. He would even admit to writing a speech and rehearsing it for hours and hours in his head.

Except, Kuroo was horrible at these things, and he tripped up the moment those honey-gold eyes met his. At least, when he looks back on this moment, he’ll be grateful that it didn’t turn out so bad. He took a deep breath, gathered all of his courage, walked up… and confessed.

“Tsukishima, I like you!! I think I always have. There’s just something so alluring about you and I can’t help but think about you all the time. Every time I see your eyes I just forget what I’m going to say and that completely just happened. Because I definitely did not have a speech planned. And I’m so sorry about everything. I was going to return the diary – but I wanted to get to know you better first. I was… I _am_ guilty of pushing it to the side and thinking selfishly about what I wanted. I want you so badly Kei… you’ve no idea how much.”

Tsukishima was frozen, eyes wide as he stared at the tall male before him. What was he supposed to say in response to that? He tensed up as Kuroo made his way toward him, and shoved a box into his face. “It’s strawberry shortcake – I know you like it, and I got you this because flowers are expensive, even if they’re pretty… And, um, even if you don’t like me back, I can get over it! I mean, I’ll need a little time, but I still want us to be friends. I won’t let my feelings get in the way of that. If you hate me and never want to see me again… I guess I’ll be devastated, but I can deal with it – as long as you’re happy. Right now, I’d do anything for you to be happy.”

He was blushing. He was probably so red and flustered that he could warm up soup with his cheeks. Or something like that. It was safe to say that he was embarrassed, but flattered at the heartfelt confession. Who knew that Kuroo could be so sappy?

But that wasn’t the main thing. The point was, Kuroo _liked him back_.

He bit his lip, peeking through his hands that’d covered his face to look at the older male. “Kuroo, I uh…”

The man straightened up instantly, running his sleeve over his eyes in a poor attempt to hide his emotions. “It’s okay. I get it. I won’t speak to you again.”

“NO!” Tsukishima panicked and caught Kuroo’s sleeve as he was turning away. The sudden tug at his back unbalanced him, and sent him tumbling down beside the blonde, who winced at the loud thud. “Erm, sorry…”

Kuroo rubbed at his sore butt, at least grateful he hadn’t injured anything from the fall. He turned to hide his face, mortified that he’d just spilled his heart out to the public, only to be turned down. But then his eye caught Tsukishima’s profile. How, the boy sat with his knees tugged to his chest, and was looking back at him in an equally embarrassed manner. He leaned slightly.

For once, Tsukishima didn’t move away as he met Kuroo’s gaze steadily – even though his cheeks and the tips of his ear were flushed a rosy hue. “Kuroo. Don’t run away from me, please.” A short silence reigned between them as Tsukishima gather his courage to shift toward him. “Kuroo, I like you too.”

Kuroo scooted even closer in return, eyes searching Tsukishima’s for any sign of discomfort.

“Hey Kei…” his voice was soft.

The blond stared back into amber eyes, his breath hitching at the proximity, “Yeah?”

A calloused hand reached up to cup his face, a thumb smoothing over his cheek gently. Tsukishima found himself leaning into the touch, his heart beating rapidly in anticipation. Kuroo’s own breath whispered across his lips as he spoke. “Can I kiss you?”

The reply never came, as Tsukishima inched that one extra centimetre forward. Tsukishima’s lips were plump and sensitive against his own, slightly chapped lips. The kiss was soft and tender – barely even a brush of lips – but Kuroo enjoyed the mere innocence of it nonetheless. The blond seemed to enjoy it too, shivering under the raven’s touch.

He leaned in again.

 

* * *

 

 

**Epilogue**

He’d started the notebook almost two years ago – when he’d begun to date Tetsurou. Inside, he’d written a few sentences each day. What Kuroo meant to him, and what he loved about him. His plan was to give it to his boyfriend on his birthday, when the notebook was completely filled.

The said male shuffled behind him and attempted to read over his shoulder, to which Kei quickly snapped the book shut. Tetsurou pouted, “C’mon Kei, can’t I at least know what you’re writing about?”

Kei grinned. “One day, you’ll see.”

“But babeeee.” He whined, tackling the blond to lay down on the bed, “At least tell me it’s not the same as what you used to write?”

“I assure you it’s different.”

“Hmm.” Tetsurou nuzzled into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “That’s good, I’m glad.”

_October 24 th, 20XX. No words can explain how happy you make me; and despite everything… I hope you’ll always be by my side. Because with you, it’ll always be a good day. _

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. That happened. I'm bad a romance, so that's fun.  
> Also this is very self-indulgent. I finally finished this after months of sitting in my documents, so I guess its rushed toward the end.  
> I have my final exams in like, a week, so yeah. I didn't edit this much 'cause I wanted to have this posted before exams.
> 
> Thank you for reading, if you've made it to the end! =D


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